Manic pixie dream
Manic Pixie Dream
February is my writers month. I've said it before. I don't know what it is but as soon as February arrives, I get the urge to sit down and write. I love to write but after this month everything gets busy and I always manage to get off of track and stop writing for the next 11 months. I don't know...
People always say that for a writer to be good, he/she has to write everyday. It takes practice. There was this one writer-director who came to our uni to host a masterclass and he said that writing is part of his morning routine. He was a bit unsatisfied with himself because he couldn't write as much as he wanted to, he had to come to our uni too early. And here I am writing one piece of whatever this is once or twice a year. Now don't get me wrong. I don't call myself a writer whatsoever. It is something that I do because I like it, and it helps me in what I eventually want to do, writing and directing screenplays. Or at least I think that's what I want to do...
Lately the majority of the actors in my university started to post their writings on Facebook, their blogs or other social media websites. And they are pretty fucking good. They made me realize that oh, I like writing, why don't I do it more often and why can they do it and I can't. This writing abundance phenomenon or whatever you would like to call it is - I believe - because it's the last year of our bachelor's program. And everyone is pretty stressed and depressed because the three years have gone by too fast, we still don't know what we want to do with our lives so now what?
Every 'last year' is pretty depressing to be honest. Each end to a chapter in our lives is a new beginning to the scary unknown, and as artists, I'm kind of just starting to realize that I really maybe don't know but getting a job is going to be hard. And the other thing is I don't even want to get a job. And I realize how spoiled child nagging that must have sounded, and not everyone could afford to just not get a job, heck, I can't live off my parents forever, and with uni ending goodbye monthly scholarship. But I am such a child, and such a mess with social awkwardness and anxiety and I still think that I could make this "messed up" artist thing work. And here I am calling myself an artist when... can I really? I mean I like what I do, I have a few shorts in my portfolio, I have photography, I sing but don't have own songs, I love to paint but haven't put my hand on a brush in years, I... are these what I do or do these only qualify as hobbies. As I wrote that I was shouting to myself: WELL NOT TO ME THEY ARE NOT. And now I'm shouting back: WELL THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT AND DON'T SIT AND WATCH YOUTUBE VIDEOS ALL THE TIME!
I'm a mess. This writing is a mess. My mind is a mess. This is what happens with me 24/7. My brain is working at a very high speed, basically there is "the history of the world in 20 minutes" type of thing happening inside my head all the time. Sometimes it gets exhausting and I think that's when my urge to write comes. I need to write it all out and move on.
I really don't know what I'm gonna' do after this semester ends. I'm currently in pre-production with my final exam movie, I'm making a comedy, my first short film with an actual storyline, 16 characters from which 2 are children and a black cat. Yes. I'm crazy. I'm super stressed because scheduling is really fucking hard and I don't know how I'm gonna do this. I'm filming in a month by the way so that's great. Today I finished my essay for my aesthetics class, I've been working on it for the past 2 weeks and it is about the Born Sexy Yesterday trope and how I linked it with Athena. Sadly it is not in English, otherwise I could have uploaded it here. I'm proud of that piece of writing. Andt it made me realize something: I DON'T want to stay and continue my masters degree here. I'm always struggling with writing and existing because I can't do it in English. I form the sentence in my head, then I have to translate it, it's an enormous waste of time and for what? I don't want to stay anyway. The problem is that I don't really have another plan and...
The title is Manic Pixie Dream. I gave it this title because I've just discovered a few amazing indie bands and singers and one of the songs is called Manic Pixie Dream, like the manic pixie dream girl trope but without the girl, you know. I like it because I kind of want to give it my own meaning -which I probably won't share completely -but basically, I want to call all my dreams, like my actual goal-dreams like that. And it inspired me to do something. I really really want to write my first song. But because I am this messed up introverted don't know how to interact talk or be around people living in my shell all the time - it is really hard for me to realize what my own feelings are and then transform them into a song. So I am going to take a topic that interests me, in this case the Born Sexy Yesterday trope, yes the trope, because manic pixie dream girl and, get it? Anyways, this way, I have the main topic, and through that topic maybe I'll understand my feelings too?? You know, writing, poetry, lyrics, are all feeling driven activities..I should also try to write a song about how my mind works and it would be a random song but maybe it could work
P.s.: It's 1:54 am, I should be studying for my film history exam but I want to put it out there that I'm going to try what that guy did and write something everyday. At first I wanted to do it early in the morning, but now that it's 1:54 I probably won't be able to wake up at 7, so maybe night will be my writing time. Or it doesn't matter. Why am I thinking about this, Goddard awaits. Oh February, so good that you're back!
People always say that for a writer to be good, he/she has to write everyday. It takes practice. There was this one writer-director who came to our uni to host a masterclass and he said that writing is part of his morning routine. He was a bit unsatisfied with himself because he couldn't write as much as he wanted to, he had to come to our uni too early. And here I am writing one piece of whatever this is once or twice a year. Now don't get me wrong. I don't call myself a writer whatsoever. It is something that I do because I like it, and it helps me in what I eventually want to do, writing and directing screenplays. Or at least I think that's what I want to do...
Lately the majority of the actors in my university started to post their writings on Facebook, their blogs or other social media websites. And they are pretty fucking good. They made me realize that oh, I like writing, why don't I do it more often and why can they do it and I can't. This writing abundance phenomenon or whatever you would like to call it is - I believe - because it's the last year of our bachelor's program. And everyone is pretty stressed and depressed because the three years have gone by too fast, we still don't know what we want to do with our lives so now what?
Every 'last year' is pretty depressing to be honest. Each end to a chapter in our lives is a new beginning to the scary unknown, and as artists, I'm kind of just starting to realize that I really maybe don't know but getting a job is going to be hard. And the other thing is I don't even want to get a job. And I realize how spoiled child nagging that must have sounded, and not everyone could afford to just not get a job, heck, I can't live off my parents forever, and with uni ending goodbye monthly scholarship. But I am such a child, and such a mess with social awkwardness and anxiety and I still think that I could make this "messed up" artist thing work. And here I am calling myself an artist when... can I really? I mean I like what I do, I have a few shorts in my portfolio, I have photography, I sing but don't have own songs, I love to paint but haven't put my hand on a brush in years, I... are these what I do or do these only qualify as hobbies. As I wrote that I was shouting to myself: WELL NOT TO ME THEY ARE NOT. And now I'm shouting back: WELL THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT AND DON'T SIT AND WATCH YOUTUBE VIDEOS ALL THE TIME!
I'm a mess. This writing is a mess. My mind is a mess. This is what happens with me 24/7. My brain is working at a very high speed, basically there is "the history of the world in 20 minutes" type of thing happening inside my head all the time. Sometimes it gets exhausting and I think that's when my urge to write comes. I need to write it all out and move on.
I really don't know what I'm gonna' do after this semester ends. I'm currently in pre-production with my final exam movie, I'm making a comedy, my first short film with an actual storyline, 16 characters from which 2 are children and a black cat. Yes. I'm crazy. I'm super stressed because scheduling is really fucking hard and I don't know how I'm gonna do this. I'm filming in a month by the way so that's great. Today I finished my essay for my aesthetics class, I've been working on it for the past 2 weeks and it is about the Born Sexy Yesterday trope and how I linked it with Athena. Sadly it is not in English, otherwise I could have uploaded it here. I'm proud of that piece of writing. Andt it made me realize something: I DON'T want to stay and continue my masters degree here. I'm always struggling with writing and existing because I can't do it in English. I form the sentence in my head, then I have to translate it, it's an enormous waste of time and for what? I don't want to stay anyway. The problem is that I don't really have another plan and...
The title is Manic Pixie Dream. I gave it this title because I've just discovered a few amazing indie bands and singers and one of the songs is called Manic Pixie Dream, like the manic pixie dream girl trope but without the girl, you know. I like it because I kind of want to give it my own meaning -which I probably won't share completely -but basically, I want to call all my dreams, like my actual goal-dreams like that. And it inspired me to do something. I really really want to write my first song. But because I am this messed up introverted don't know how to interact talk or be around people living in my shell all the time - it is really hard for me to realize what my own feelings are and then transform them into a song. So I am going to take a topic that interests me, in this case the Born Sexy Yesterday trope, yes the trope, because manic pixie dream girl and, get it? Anyways, this way, I have the main topic, and through that topic maybe I'll understand my feelings too?? You know, writing, poetry, lyrics, are all feeling driven activities..I should also try to write a song about how my mind works and it would be a random song but maybe it could work
P.s.: It's 1:54 am, I should be studying for my film history exam but I want to put it out there that I'm going to try what that guy did and write something everyday. At first I wanted to do it early in the morning, but now that it's 1:54 I probably won't be able to wake up at 7, so maybe night will be my writing time. Or it doesn't matter. Why am I thinking about this, Goddard awaits. Oh February, so good that you're back!
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